I’ve been there. When your passion and profession is “other-care,” practicing self-care can take a back seat. And if you’re juggling client meetings, documentation, after-school activities, and weekend family obligations, when is there even time? In my practice, I work with helpers and healers of all types to manage stress and prevent burnout, and in my research I study clinician attitudes and barriers to self-care practice.
My definition of self-care is “the deliberate steps we take to tend to our needs too.” As you know, carving out time each day for self-care is protective against the “wear and tear” of never-ending obligations, responsibilities, and deadlines, but for me, it’s deeper than that. Tending to our needs (sometimes first, gasp!) helps us maintain balance, strengthens our sense of agency, and keeps us “in the driver’s seat” of our lives, all of which have been shown to help manage or prevent burnout in healthcare professionals.
The original intent behind self-care was to help people take ownership of their health and their efforts to improve it. Today, on social media in particular, it has become synonymous with bubble baths and “me time.” But it is so much more than that. It encompasses nutrition, lifestyle, social habits, and attitudes toward health, both physical and emotional. I have found from my research that when it comes to barriers to self-care, about 25% of people say they don’t have enough time for it, about 40% say they don’t have enough energy, and about 30% say they don’t really know what self-care activities they should be doing. These are important distinctions to make because each may require a different strategy or approach.
For those struggling to find time, I might suggest incorporating some aspect of self-care into activities you are already doing. In other words, if you want to practice self-care every day, make everyday things a self-care practice. For example, doing chores can be an act of self-care. Maybe not the most glamorous or luxurious, but practice being fully present and engaged in the task you are doing. Our routine and even mundane day-to-day activities can be more interesting and therefore more rewarding, by challenging ourselves to be more fully absorbed in them.
If I have an hour for self-care, I exercise. If you are able, exercise or any type of physical movement will provide the best return on your self-care investment. If I am unable to do that because it’s the middle of the workday, or I have my kids with me, I might carve up that time into a few activities, like doing 5-10 minutes of centering or breathing just to collect my thoughts. I always ask myself: “How am I doing? What do I need?” The answer to those questions might guide me into the next activity, which could be making a cup of coffee and savoring it or taking a walk outside for 10-15 minutes. If I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, I might take out a piece of paper and make a “To Do” list, or journal for 5-10 minutes. I can do any of these whether I’m working at the clinic or at home.
I also use an acronym to help remind me and my clients of the self-care essentials: “ESCAPE.” This provides an easy-to-remember checklist to help me decide what my options are and what to do with my time. “E” is for exercise or physical activity; “S” is for sleep or rest; “C” is for connect with others; “A” is for appreciate or gratitude practice; “P” is for play or pleasure, and “E” is for exhale (sometimes I substitute eat). All of these are available without any special equipment or appointment, are free, and can be done with as little or as much time as you have.
As behavioral scientists, we know that we receive important cues/feedback about how we’re doing based on our behavior. When we practice self-care, that behavior sends a powerful message back to us. It says we are doing ok. It also says we are worth the time and effort it takes to do these things. And, in my opinion, this is probably the most important aspect of self-care for maintaining good mental wellness.
Self-care is important for what may be obvious reasons – we know it’s “good for us” to eat well, bathe, stay hydrated, exercise, connect socially – these are probably some of the most basic self-care activities we do. Beyond the basics, however, are activities that we don’t often associate with self-care, the internal ones – the way we think about ourselves, the way we talk to ourselves, the beliefs we have about what we are capable of and what we deserve, the ideas we have about our worth, our sense of self-confidence and self-respect. You know, all the “self’s.” Without it, we compromise not only our mental wellbeing, but our sense of self and our ability to cope with life’s unending demands and inevitable curve balls.
A clinical psychologist and instructor at Harvard Medical School, Dr. Natalie is on a mission to help people understand themselves better in order to take care of themselves better. She is known for her straightforward, practical, and science-backed approach, taking the “woo” out of wellness and helping her clients cultivate a personalized self-care practice for real life. She writes about mindset, motivation, and midlife mental health and has been featured as an expert in major publications like The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Forbes. She has also been featured on Good Morning America, Good Day LA, and CBS News.
Dr. Natalie is the former director of psychology at Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston, but now focuses all her effort on translating cutting-edge research from psychology, neuroscience, and medicine into practical strategies for health & wellness, personal fulfillment, and success. In her private practice, she offers 1:1 therapy, couples therapy, small group CBT courses for managing mood symptoms of menopause, and a lifestyle optimization program called ESCAPE for women in midlife who want to reclaim their passion and purpose.
You can find her on Psychology Today, follow her on Instagram, or go to her website www.drnataliechristine.com where you can read her blog, schedule a consultation, or download her “ABCs of Self-Care Guidebook.”
